It was approaching the end of November and I was beginning to wonder when my monthly cycles would return. I kept waiting week to week, just waiting to feel like I was myself again so I could start on a clean slate and get back into my normal lifestyle. As the waiting continued, I began wondering if perhaps I was still pregnant or if somehow I could be pregnant again with a new pregnancy. I figured there was no way, that there could already be a new pregnancy. So, I took a test.....
And....., were pregnant. Wow, I couldn't believe it. It's hard for me to get excited about pregnancy anymore, so I think I was more scared then anything and disappointed because I knew the process and what was going to happen. All I wanted was to be back to my normal self and continue to recover emotionally from everything that we had been through. I called my fertility specialist and they got me in to confirm the pregnancy. So, the process of the fourth pregnancy began.....
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Fertility Testing
Greg and I met with a fertility doctor in late October to discuss our recurrent pregnancy loses and the process of hopefully finding some anwsers. After all the testing came back, there were only two things that came back questionable. One, is that I am a positive carrier of MTHFR. It is a genetic mutation that inhibits the body to absorb folic acid. The doctor's did not seem too worried about this genetic mutation and felt I should still be able to carry a pregnancy full term. The other questionable result was a blood disorder that causes blood clotting. My results came back boarderline, so the doctor's were not too worried about this either. Bascially, they felt there was no reason that I should not be able to carry a pregnancy.
As we were going through this testing, they were monitoring my HCG (pregnancy hormone level) to make sure it was falling back to zero from the previous pregnancy that had resulted in surgerical removal at the beginning of October. My level had dropped below 5 in the first week of November, so they said my body should finally be back on track. Little did we know, that pregnancy hormone would be going right back up!
As we were going through this testing, they were monitoring my HCG (pregnancy hormone level) to make sure it was falling back to zero from the previous pregnancy that had resulted in surgerical removal at the beginning of October. My level had dropped below 5 in the first week of November, so they said my body should finally be back on track. Little did we know, that pregnancy hormone would be going right back up!
Friday, January 27, 2012
Our Journey
Gregory and I started our mission to become parents in June 2010. You always think that getting pregnant might take a few months, but for us, we were pregnant the first month of trying and due in March of 2011. The joy and happiness overcame us both, but the anxiety and nervousness was also in play. Unfortunately, our pregnancy ended in an unexpected miscarriage 8 weeks later. I was devastated and upset understanding that I would never have an answer to why this had to happen to us!
This was only just the beginning of many further challenges ahead. After a few months of grieving and feeling back to normal, I felt I was in a good place to give this a second try. It couldn't happen again? The chances of two miscarriages in a row are slim, right? Well in November of 2010, we were pregnant again! This time was different. I was excited, but also nervous. I didn't want to get my hopes up too soon as I did not want to go through the challenges of another miscarriage. We went for our first ultrasound appointment at 6 weeks to see how the baby was progressing. Little did I know, they wouldn't find a baby! The doctor told me I had a tubal pregnancy. My HCG levels were going up, so I was defiantly pregnant, but the baby could not be found. They assumed it was in my tubes, so I started my first round of methotrexate to abort the baby. I ended up having to go through 2 rounds of methotrexate in order to finally terminate the pregnancy. Wow, how could this happen again. And a tubal pregnancy! My doctor keeped chalking it up to bad luck and that we just need to keep trying. That's the last thing I wanted to hear!
Well we were told to wait at least 3-6 months after the tubal pregnancy before trying again. At this point, I was not sure what to do. I wasn't ready emotionally to go through the whole process again. I started to think maybe we were not cut out to be parents. Maybe we should not have kids. I don't think I can handle another miscarriage and if that happens again, how am I going to handle it! Gregory and I decided to wait awhile this time. My brother was getting married in May 2012 and we can not be pregnant or have a baby around that time due to flying restrictions. So, we put having a kid on hold and didn't really plan on trying again until after their wedding.
That plan or so called plan didn't work out too well. In August 2011, I found out I was pregnant again for the third time. Totally unplanned and unexpected! Well you know what they say. When you relax and don't think about it, it will happen. That's exactly what happened. We had a idea that this time it might just work out since it was totally unexpected. On September, I had my first ultrasound appointment at 7 weeks. I still was keeping my hopes down. I didn't want to get my hopes up and be disappointed again. The ultrasound showed a gestational sac, but NO baby! Oh my gosh, can this be happening again!!! Well my doctor montionered my HCG levels which were high enough to be showing a baby and a heartbeat, so once again I was going to have a miscarriage. The pregnancy was a blighted ovam. That's where the baby just never develops, but everything else does. Eventually your body will catch on and miscarry, but it might take time. My doctor scheduled an emergency D&C surgery procedure to remove all tissue to make sure it was a blighted ovam and not another tubal. I forgot to mention we were going on a trip and cruise to the Bahama's in one week! The results came in on Monday the day before we left that it was not tubal it was a blighted ovam. Bad luck again, or so she said!
So, three pregnancies and three miscarriages. Where the heck do we go from here? What are the odds of this happening? Maybe we are not cut out to be parent's? How come it's so easy for everyone else? Why were we chosen to go through this? So many thoughts going through my head and I have no clue how to sort them out!
I decided I wanted answers!! So the process begins. Gregory and I are going to see a fertility specialitist this week on Wednesday. My insurance will cover all diagnostic testing to determine what might be causing these miscarriages. I am so excited about starting this journey! I am hoping for some sort of reason and solution to this horrible journey. I am trying to understand that my answers might not be answered because most miscarriages are unexplained, but knowing the fact that an expert is going to help us out gives me some sort of relief.
So the journey continues on.........
This was only just the beginning of many further challenges ahead. After a few months of grieving and feeling back to normal, I felt I was in a good place to give this a second try. It couldn't happen again? The chances of two miscarriages in a row are slim, right? Well in November of 2010, we were pregnant again! This time was different. I was excited, but also nervous. I didn't want to get my hopes up too soon as I did not want to go through the challenges of another miscarriage. We went for our first ultrasound appointment at 6 weeks to see how the baby was progressing. Little did I know, they wouldn't find a baby! The doctor told me I had a tubal pregnancy. My HCG levels were going up, so I was defiantly pregnant, but the baby could not be found. They assumed it was in my tubes, so I started my first round of methotrexate to abort the baby. I ended up having to go through 2 rounds of methotrexate in order to finally terminate the pregnancy. Wow, how could this happen again. And a tubal pregnancy! My doctor keeped chalking it up to bad luck and that we just need to keep trying. That's the last thing I wanted to hear!
Well we were told to wait at least 3-6 months after the tubal pregnancy before trying again. At this point, I was not sure what to do. I wasn't ready emotionally to go through the whole process again. I started to think maybe we were not cut out to be parents. Maybe we should not have kids. I don't think I can handle another miscarriage and if that happens again, how am I going to handle it! Gregory and I decided to wait awhile this time. My brother was getting married in May 2012 and we can not be pregnant or have a baby around that time due to flying restrictions. So, we put having a kid on hold and didn't really plan on trying again until after their wedding.
That plan or so called plan didn't work out too well. In August 2011, I found out I was pregnant again for the third time. Totally unplanned and unexpected! Well you know what they say. When you relax and don't think about it, it will happen. That's exactly what happened. We had a idea that this time it might just work out since it was totally unexpected. On September, I had my first ultrasound appointment at 7 weeks. I still was keeping my hopes down. I didn't want to get my hopes up and be disappointed again. The ultrasound showed a gestational sac, but NO baby! Oh my gosh, can this be happening again!!! Well my doctor montionered my HCG levels which were high enough to be showing a baby and a heartbeat, so once again I was going to have a miscarriage. The pregnancy was a blighted ovam. That's where the baby just never develops, but everything else does. Eventually your body will catch on and miscarry, but it might take time. My doctor scheduled an emergency D&C surgery procedure to remove all tissue to make sure it was a blighted ovam and not another tubal. I forgot to mention we were going on a trip and cruise to the Bahama's in one week! The results came in on Monday the day before we left that it was not tubal it was a blighted ovam. Bad luck again, or so she said!
So, three pregnancies and three miscarriages. Where the heck do we go from here? What are the odds of this happening? Maybe we are not cut out to be parent's? How come it's so easy for everyone else? Why were we chosen to go through this? So many thoughts going through my head and I have no clue how to sort them out!
I decided I wanted answers!! So the process begins. Gregory and I are going to see a fertility specialitist this week on Wednesday. My insurance will cover all diagnostic testing to determine what might be causing these miscarriages. I am so excited about starting this journey! I am hoping for some sort of reason and solution to this horrible journey. I am trying to understand that my answers might not be answered because most miscarriages are unexplained, but knowing the fact that an expert is going to help us out gives me some sort of relief.
So the journey continues on.........
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